he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
