I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
