All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
