he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
