A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
