I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
