Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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