I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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