I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
