We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
