u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
