There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
