I think I won the penis lottery.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just want to make out with him forever
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
