Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
