he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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