Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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