after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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