she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
