just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
