Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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