come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You smell like stripper and shame
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
