We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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