It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
