i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
