I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
