when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
