I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will be naked everywhere
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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