oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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