when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
