I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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