Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
