you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
