Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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