Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
