bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All the doctor said was why
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
