I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
