we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
