Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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