So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
