wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
