You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
