She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
