I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
