the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
