last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
True college students do jello shots in the library
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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