You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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