is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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