Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
