I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
