wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
