If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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