His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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