Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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