3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
