I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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