And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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