Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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