I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
